As many of my close friends and family know, I experienced the devastating loss of my mother on May 6th, 2010. I decided at that time, to take a break from writing. It wasn't for a lack of material, more like an overwhelming influx of thoughts and emotions. I sort of had to sleep on them, so to speak. I had so much to say and couldn't get all my thoughts organized. I loved writing on my blog though and knew that I wanted to return. I decided several weeks ago that I would make my return to the blogosphere on my mother's birthday. What would I write...how would I start off??? Then, it came to me, I would share the letter I wrote to my mother on the day before she passed. While sitting at her bedside, I composed a letter that I was going to read to her and at her wake service. It was one of the most difficult letters to write emotionally, but the words flowed easily from my heart onto the paper. I wrote the letter on May 5th, 2010 and after writing it, I read it to my mother. She was heavily sedated and breathing with the assistance of a ventilator, but I knew that God had allowed the words to penetrate her heart. I knew she could feel the overwhelming love and gratitude that I had for her. After she passed, I met with our priest, Fr. Vernon to go over the details of her wake and funeral service. I told him that I wanted to read the letter at her wake service. He cut his eyes in my direction and with a slight grin said, "Are you sure you're going to be able to do this?" Was I sure? No, not really, but I said "yes", because I knew I had to do it. Mother and I were more than just mother and daughter, we were like sisters and best friends. She told me everything, and I told her everything. I knew her better than anyone. I wanted the people present to know how much she meant to me and what she had taught me. Before the wake service concluded, I got up to read my letter. I remember being a little weak and I told myself not to even think about the people, just to think about mother and just read the words to her. I said, please God, don't let me get to emotional and be unable to finish and then I began to read...
5-5-10
Dear Mother,
I want to thank you for being the best mother any daughter could ever have. From the day I was born, you loved and protected me, and we have been best friends for almost 44 yrs. You were always there for me when I was little. If I was sick, you nursed me and slept right by my side. You were at every school function and even became involved in all my activities. There were cheerleading practices, football games, dance lessons, and recitals. Remember when I was a teenager and people thought we were sisters. You just loved that and I did too, because we were only 20 yrs. apart.
Mother, you have taught me so much in life. You taught me manners and respect for others. You taught me how to be caring, compassionate, and how to forgive. You taught me how to be a lady, a wife, and a mother. Even if I complained, I always listened to your advice.
You never held a grudge, and I was a pouter. You were smart, outgoing and outspoken. You had a great personality and you never met a stranger. You always believed in telling the truth. Sometimes, I or others didn’t want to hear it, but you were mostly right in what you had to say, and only said it to help, never to be mean. You never kept secrets, sometimes I wished you would have, but really I know why-you were so honest. I get my honesty from you. You loved telling your life story and sometimes we would just say…mother’s telling her life story again!!
You had so many talents, and I hope I have inherited a few of them. You were creative; and I got that one. You were a great talker; I got that one too, but you were better. You were a great dancer, but I think I’m better at that!! You were compassionate and caring to others, especially those that society looks down on. We would laugh, because we both had a knack for attracting “unusual” people, but we both liked it that way. Maybe God sent them to us, because he knew we wouldn’t judge them. You were a kind and giving daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, and friend. I hope to be half as good as you. Sometimes, you were so kind to strangers that it left you open to being taken advantage of. I would fuss at you for letting others “use” you, but you would always say, they would have to answer for that. You could never be outdone in giving!!
Many times when I was younger and several times over the last few years, you have literally given Raleigh and I your last dollar. You were so unselfish!!
I don’t want to make you out to be perfect, but you always tried to improve and be a better person.
One thing I’ve always admired about you was your ability to overcome any obstacle and challenge. You fought so many battles in your life. You were born premature in 1946. Your mom was told you might not live, but you were a fighter. You suffered the divorce of your parents and poverty as a child. At five, you contracted polio. Your mother was told you might never walk again, but you proved the doctors wrong. You pedaled that little red fire engine through the pain and kept going. You survived abuse at the hands of a relative. You endured the separation from your sister at a very young age, and a step-father that denied you necessities and time with your mother. And you survived the heartbreak of divorce as an adult. You have suffered so much with your health in the past ten years, and it has been so tough to see your pain. But, you never let it stop you, you kept going. You always wanted to be there for me, Raleigh and the kids. I hope my family and I have brought you joy and love, because you deserve it!!
I always enjoyed our time together. I remember when I would sit in your lap and you would read me stories and teach me nursery rhymes. All the Christmases that you showered me with too many presents, because I was the only child and you spoiled me. I remember all the times you defended me when you thought I had been wronged by others. I remember all of our fun shopping trips to Parisian and how you couldn’t resist buying me the best of everything, even if it meant you did without. We had some great mother/daughter times. And, I’ll never forget our long talks and phone calls. That’s what I miss most right now.
You were an awesome grandmother too. You have been so loving and giving to my children. You always said that you were going to give to them while you were alive, because when you were gone, it would be too late. You have given them so much and I’m sure they will never forget.
One of my favorite verses is John 13:34-35. It says,
34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."Mother, I think you are known as a disciple in Heaven right now, because you have shown love to others.
Thank you for teaching me how to be a wife, mother, and friend. You are my role model and inspiration. For a simple, ordinary person who lived a simple life, you have made an extraordinary impact. You have touched the lives of so many people and I hope I can live up to that.
I know your flaws, shortcomings, and sins, because you never tried to hide them from me. And I know they are covered by the blood of Jesus and have been forgiven. You should have no regrets and right now, I know you’re enjoying your eternal reward- a life free of pain and suffering in the presence of God. I know you have been welcomed into the Father’s Kingdom!!
I love you mother and always will,
Your daughter,
Lisa Michelle Taylor DoughertyNOTE: I read this letter to my mother and those present at her visitation and wake on Mon. May 10, 2010. I wrote the letter on Wed. May 5, 2010, while I was sitting at her bedside in the ICU. I knew our time was short and that her death could come at anytime. After I wrote the letter, I went up to her side and read the letter to her. She was heavily sedated on the ventilator and unresponsive, but I know God allowed her to her my words. I gave her permission to go, if she needed to go. And told her that I would be ok and Raleigh and my family would take care of me. She passed away the next day, on Thurs. May 6, 2010 at 8:15pm. At that moment, she arrived in her Heavenly home surrounded by Angels and loved ones who were waiting. To her, nothing else existed…only GOD in his glory! Since that day, I have received numerous signs of her care for me and her happiness. I have kept a journal and listed each one of them. I thank my mother and our Heavenly Father for giving this peace to me. And while I grieve her loss more deeply than anything I’ve ever experienced, I know she is happy and at peace. This gift is helping me survive my exile. I know one day we will be reunited and I will truly be home!
Keep on Dancing!!
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